La Jolla parents turned coaches know to ‘take the good with the bad,’ enjoy the big moments

LA JOLLA — For many high school coaches, it can be easy to see the young athletes in their charge as “their” kids.

But for five La Jolla coaches, it’s really the case.

Here, they share their experiences coaching their children and recommendations for other parents who might be considering a similar path.

Adam Dailey, La Jolla High School, distance running

Inspired by the success of his daughter Chiara Dailey, one of the fastest runners in the state, Adam Dailey started coaching at La Jolla High School in 2024.

“I enjoy coaching her and getting a new perspective into who she is as an athlete and as a person,” he said. “It’s amazing.”

Adam Dailey was an NCAA All-American runner at the University of Arkansas. Chiara Dailey followed in her father’s footsteps and started shattering records her freshman year.

An upside to this experience, Dailey said, is “getting to be close to my daughter when most people push away from their parents. I’m super thankful for that.”

Dailey added that this year is a “once-in-a-lifetime opportunity as a father” because Chiara is a senior, Dailey’s son Jett is a sophomore and son Blaise is a freshman, marking the first time three of his five children are at the same school at the same time.

“We talk a lot about running at home,” Dailey said with a laugh.

But having three children in the La Jolla High School track program means that “some days I need to put on my coach’s hat and make sure they aren’t getting special treatment,” Dailey said. “Other days I have to put on the dad hat.”

He recalled a race last year when Chiara was ill and unable to run. “As a coach, it was easy to see that she was sick and have her not run, but as her parent, I was devastated,” he said. “So there is a push-pull.”

To help balance that, Dailey said, “I’m cognizant of treating them like athletes and not my kids. … I’m very aware of not treating my kids better than others. Every kid needs something different, and a good coach knows how to communicate to everyone.”

Dailey advises other parents who might be considering coaching their children’s sports teams to go into the experience with an open mind.

“You can get closer to your kids, but there can also be increased tension,” he said. “You are also being shared with other students. That’s a challenge. Be ready for that push-pull and be self-aware all the time of treating people similarly.”

Ogemdi Nwagbuo, La Jolla Country Day football

“Coach OG” acknowledges there is a slight separation between the athletes he coaches and his son DJ, who is on the Country Day football team.

“I started coaching DJ when he started playing flag football, which has always been fun,” Ogemdi Nwagbuo said. “But now I do a lot of training for the defensive linemen, and he’s not a defensive player.”

Nevertheless, he said, “it’s fun to hang out with your kid and do what they want to do.”

A San Diego native, the elder Nwagbuo played collegiately at Michigan State and for the NFL’s Giants, Chargers, Lions and Panthers. Though he’s not his son’s direct coach, the two talk football whenever they can.

“I’m very close to him, so if he has questions or wants advice, I can give it to him from that (father-son) relationship, but it’s the same advice I would give to anyone,” Nwagbuo said. “They all need to do things that will lead to success. But if I’ve known a player for a long time, I can give better advice than I could give to someone I just met. But I make it clear when I am talking to him as a coach or as a parent.”

Ben Martin, La Jolla High School track and football

Well before he had children attending La Jolla High School, Ben Martin coached track and football. After attending the Air Force Academy, where he played football and ran track, he attended the University of Wyoming and continued to play football.

After graduation, he coached four years of high school track and football. Soon after, Martin spent time in the military and hung up his youth coaching hat for the time being.

But he later had a daughter, Reese, who also took an interest in track. While Reese was at La Jolla, Martin was watching practice one day and felt “the team’s form didn’t look adequate,” so he offered to help. Martin joined the coaching staff as a sprints coach. That same year, a coach retired and Martin agreed to help out.

During that time, “I worked with Reese daily,” he said. “You know your own kid, and I was always cognizant of that, but there were some times I would try to fix something in how she was training and she would get frustrated on occasion. … But overall they were successful as a team.”

Reese has since graduated, but Martin’s son Charlie is now a senior on the football team.

Looking to replicate the experience he had with Reese, Martin started coaching for the team as an assistant. But before he did, “I wanted to make sure the head coach was OK with me being there, because football is more subjective than track,” he said.

When it comes to working with other coaches on Charlie’s performance, “I let him have his space when he plays. If he comes to me and has a concern, I’ll give advice about how to approach it with the coach. I tell him how to communicate with an adult that is in charge of you. We talk, but I don’t go in and interfere.”

Carmy Cesaire, La Jolla Country Day football

Carmy Cesaire’s high school coaching career began soon after he was in high school himself. At age 20, he took a coaching position with a junior high football program, which led to a varsity assistant coaching spot.

Cesaire played college football and has a brother, Jacques, who played for the NFL’s Chargers, so the Cesaire family is “always talking and learning football,” he said.

When his son Quentin expressed interest in playing, “it was awesome and something I was looking forward to,” Cesaire said. “I got him real shoulder pads and a helmet and gear when he was 3 years old. It was all too big for him, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t wait for him to start playing.”

Fourteen years ago, Cesaire was hired as La Jolla Country Day’s offensive coordinator. When Quentin grew up and became a student and joined the football team himself, he worked with his father regularly.

“It has been great,” Cesaire said. “He has always been very coachable, and to get to see him develop in our program to the leader and player he is, I am a proud dad and coach.”

Quentin Cesaire was the only sophomore starter on Country Day’s 2023 CIF San Diego Section Division III championship team — a personal highlight for his father.

Though he acknowledges there is a “fine line” between being a parent and a coach, Carmy Cesaire said his years of coaching have proved beneficial.

“Fortunately for me, I coached 20-plus years before I got to coach (Quentin),” he said. “I treat all my players like they are my own kids.”

Steve Sepeta, Bishop’s lacrosse

Lacrosse was always a part of Steve Sepeta’s life. After playing in college, he had the chance to coach at a camp to raise money to move to California.

It was there that the idea of coaching was planted.

When Sepeta made it out West, he started coaching on the side, including at Torrey Pines High School. He also helped build a youth lacrosse program in Carmel Valley.

In the early 2000s, when lacrosse was recognized as a CIF sport, “I got a call from a Bishop’s parent that wanted to start a team there,” Sepeta said. “I thought a lacrosse program would be great there. That first year was a process to get everyone going. We had varsity the next year and it became my baby.”

A few years later, his actual baby, Tyler, was born.

“I thought maybe my kids could go to Bishop’s, and that came to fruition and Tyler came in sixth grade,” Sepeta said. “When he was little, the thing I was worried about was whether he would enjoy (lacrosse). I didn’t want him to do it just because I did it. If he was good and liked it, that would be great.”

Tyler, now a senior, ended up playing on and off before committing to lacrosse during his high school years. He also played football.

As his son’s coach, Sepeta said: “You have to have some level of self-awareness to know that you are a dad first. I see a lot of dads living vicariously through their kids, and I didn’t want to be that guy. At the same time, it was probably harder on him because coaches are under a microscope or there were concerns about playing time or favoritism. You have to have boundaries.”

He had to find the right balance between being Tyler’s father and his coach, and it was “not easy at times,” Sepeta said.

“Sometimes when we would get in the car, I would think about being a dad first and coach second,” he said. “As much as I wanted to talk to him about it, I would wait until practice and let things go.

“For me, it was very fulfilling. But it has gone by really fast. I’m going to miss it.”

Ashley Mackin Solomon writes for U-T community press.