Nick Canepa: Padres weren’t cursed in playoff series loss; it just feels that way

Sez Me …

“Can’t win if you don’t score.” — My dad

Please, although you’d like to believe the San Diego Curse came into play in Chicago, it didn’t. In fact, if indeed there is one — and there’s overwhelming evidence (for the believers) that there is — it might have helped.

Maybe the playoff Padres would have been hoodooed, voodooed and witch-doctored into actual clutch hitting and scoring runs. Maybe they should have brought up Pedro Cerrano and Jobu for some black magic.

Maybe Joe Biden’s to blame, as he is for Civil Wars I and II.

The Padres weren’t cursed. Except for their pitching, they played like crap in losing the best-of-three National League Wild Card Series.

It figured the Padres, often without reason or rhyme, weren’t poetic to the point of reading much verse. So they weren’t about to follow anything Dylan Thomas wrote, such as: “Do not go gentle into that good night.”

They certainly did —  nor did they, as Dylan also implored, rage, rage against the Chicago light. And, really, sincerely, we shouldn’t have expected anything more.

It’s easy to say they could have won their three-game playoff series vs. the Cubs. It’s easier to say that they couldn’t have, although their pitchers had enough to get them on the bus to Milwaukee.

But it’s tough to advance when scoring becomes intestinal blockage. The Padres scored once in their first-game 3-1 loss, three times in their 3-0 second-game win, and once in their 3-1 defeat in the Wrigley din.

So they not only didn’t listen to Thomas, they didn’t read my dad, either.

By now, we’ve all seen the pathetic numbers since the Pads brought their zephyr offense to the Windy City.

They were 3-for-26 with runners in scoring position. They left Chi-Town having scored five — 5! — runs in their last 51 — 51! — playoff innings.

Fernando Tatis Jr. is 3 for his last 23 postseason at-bats with runners in scoring position.

Against the Cubs, Manny Machado and Tatis went 2-for-22, with three walks, two RBIs and seven strikeouts. That’s getting your $500 million worth.

This team has spent far too much time bunting and gagging when clutch hitting is needed. Mike Shildt’s microball isn’t going to do it. Will they fire another hitting coach?

Free agents will be leaving. Some, good riddance. There are just so many questions, and I’m sure many won’t be answered, although about $60 million could be lopped off their payroll.

You know what the Padres need. Figs. Guts. Players who don’t faint at the sight of runners on second and third and never quite learned how to bunt.

They say pitching wins. It does for the Padres. Ninety games. And extra days to work on their Halloween decor. …

One of the stranger baseball seasons, but the highlight had to be the Mets, with a payroll the size of China’s GNP, gagging and missing the playoffs after being 21 games over .500 at one point. Swallowed the Big Apple. …

The Metropolitans went 38-55 after June 13. To quote George Costanza: “Was that wrong?” …

Juan Soto has work to do to avoid becoming the most overrated player in the history of baseball. …

Seven major league players hit .300. One of them — Trea Turner, at .304 — plays in the National League. Nerds rejoice. …

I knew it: Bruce Bochy forgot how to manage. One of the great managers. One of the good guys. I wish him the best. …

When Sean Lewis opens his playbook and uses his skill, the Aztecs are more than watchable. Fun. We need fun. …

Jaxson Dart threw for 111 yards and was sacked five times. Not exactly John Elway. But he’s anointed anyway. …

The Judases lost to the Giants because their offensive line was bombed out. Justin Herbert was pressured 29 times vs. Denver and 21 times vs. New York. And now tackle Joe Alt’s out for maybe weeks? Ciao. Adios. Sayonara. Auf Wiedersehen. Not gonna work the way they’re trying to work it. …

Every week there’s a new “best quarterback in the NFL.” If they held a draft, it would be Patrick Mahomes. …

Ashton Jeanty was allowed to bring back his college stance and now he’s Gale Sayers? How much more of this crap must I listen to? NFL media grasps at air. …

These prima donna receivers would get what they deserve if there were a separate category for dropped passes. Official statisticians, much like baseball’s scorers, make the call. Incompletions taken away. …

The Jets are so undisciplined offensively that they make a T-ball game look like the Rockettes. …

Refs can’t miss piling-on penalties. Just can’t. …

Rookie Judases tight end Oronde Gadsden has a beautiful football mind. “There’s no such thing as yards after drops.” …

Football officials now are missing more obvious calls than home plate umpires. …

The easiest way to become a better player in any team sport is to be on a better team. …

I really don’t have anything against Taylor Swift, except she’s made a billion dollars off of music I don’t like, and she roots for the Chiefs. …

There should be no tie games in the NFL. None. I don’t care if there are 80 overtimes. As far as I’m concerned, it’s a total waste of hard work. Ties are for businessmen. …

How could those Cowboys and Packers be satisfied? Jerry Jones was. Guess it beats his usual loss. …

Memo to football broadcasters: Take the phrase “almost intercepted” out of your bag. You’re assuming defensive backs can catch, when most of them are DBs because they cannot. Don’t be officials. Never assume. …

My favorite is when broadcasters say of a player: “They really like him.” Shocker. …

Down 24-6 late at home to Ohio State, Washington punts. Why play? Is 31-6 going to make it worse? …

BYU was losing 45-25 to Eric Dickerson and SMU with under 4 minutes to play in the 1980 Holiday Bowl, and won 46-45. …

Notre Dame ran a fake punt up 42-13 on Arkansas. Then all the Irish coaches went to confession. Not enough penance for that. Bush league. …

In a time when teams kick field goals if they don’t reach midfield, James Franklin punts from the Oregon 36. And you wonder why his Penn State teams can’t beat a ranked opponent? …

Horrible loss for the Vikings, who got to stay in Europe another week to welcome back the victorious Ryder Cuppers. …

Bad Bunny will headline Super Bowl halftime. Once again, the NFL screws Bugs and Easter. …

If the world was right, the next U.S. Ryder captain would be Eisenhower. …

Speaking of Ike, I wonder how he would handle the invasion of Portland? …

Roger Goodell says players really love playing overseas. They do. If they don’t have to play football once they get there. They don’t like anything that takes them out of their comfort zone. …

Extremely quotable Titans rookie No. 1 quarterback Cam Ward was asked how they played in their 26-0 loss to Houston. “Right now we ass.” …

If the Ham & Eggers approve the latest water rate hike, I hope they realize there may not be anyone around to vote for them by 2029. This is absolutely insane. I won’t be able to wash out my million-dollar trash cans. …