Quail Mutterings: Keeping the connections as we age

Friends, family, pets… It seems to become more and more important as we age to tend these precious relationships.

Of course, it’s beneficial that we, ourselves, be proactive and reach out to those around us — especially to the ones who might be feeling isolated. But this is not solely an act of altruism. The kindness can also be selfish in that it can fuel us as well, making it a win/win situation.

As families scatter to different places and our group of friends gets smaller, someone’s got to be the prime mover before we all end up alone and lonely. Some of us are not as internet savvy and with that now being the main mode of operation, we can feel left out and left behind.

“Do I really have to text you first — before calling?” Some, evidently, don’t regularly check their email either. Is that outdated as well? I think I’ll go outside and pet my dog.

Animals also have obvious feelings. I remember, years ago, when one of our old horses went down once again, with possible structural damage this time. She had coped for many years with EPM (Equine Protozoal Myeloencephalitis), a disease that forever can affect balance and coordination.

We had to have the veterinarian out to put her down and a neighbor graciously came that night to help bury her with his tractor. When all was done her pasture mate pawed at her grave, laid down, and rolled and rolled — over and over again. It was heart-wrenching to witness.

Clearly, she meant a lot to him. And for months after, he was depressed. This wasn’t the first time, or the last, that I’ve seen this kind of emotion with our horses over the decades. Often with children, and sometimes adults, they act out when they can’t get attention. Actually, negative attention can be better than none at all. We all crave connection, animals too.

When I get in the car and start the engine, the radio comes on automatically. It’s one of those annoying factory installs that nobody seems to know how to rectify. Yesterday, instead of immediately turning it off, I picked up on a discussion that happened to tie in with my current thoughts.

They were talking about a problem that could be looming. There are some people who will be put off with the abundance of AI-generated information and assistance and, instead, choose to use their electronic devices only when absolutely necessary. They will seek out more in person exchanges. Others, excited by the new technology, will jump in wholeheartedly and spend a lot more time on their beloved computers, smart phones, tablets, watches…

There could be less and less communication between the two groups, which is likely to create even more of a divide in our society. 

Consequently, there’s a new term, “Errand Friend,” which refers to someone who can accompany us on our otherwise mundane, run-of-the-mill tasks. Or we can go along with them. Or both. It can be beneficial for all. It’s a cheap outing, no special attire needed, or extravagant detail planning. It makes good sense and can help satisfy some of our social needs. 

“Hey, do you want to come over and help me water? Then I can clean out your cupboard with you.”

“How about accompanying me to the doctor and then we can have a picnic in the park on the way home?”

“Sure, I’ll babysit. And hey, could you come over and help me move my dresser?”

You get the picture.

Sometimes, when I go to the beach with a friend or two, we stop and run errands together on the way home: Trader Joe’s, Lowes, Jimbo’s… You know, as long as we’re down the hill anyway. This prevents a separate trip; saving time, wear and tear on our vehicle, gasoline — while making these chores a bit more fun.

So, what’s your next task? Can you rope in a friend? Going somewhere that you’d like some company? Offer a ride to share in a grocery shopping trip? The possibilities can be limitless. Maybe I’ll see you out there.

Chi Varnado has published six books including fiction, nonfiction and children’s books. They are available on www.amazon.com. Her collection of essays, Quail Mutterings, can be found on www.chivarnado.com or www.dancecentrepresents.com. She is available to adults and children for fun tutoring in writing.