‘Take the good with the bad’: La Jolla parent-coaches tell tales of working with their own children

For many high school coaches, it can be easy to see the young athletes in their charge as “their” kids.

But for a handful of La Jolla coaches, some of the athletes they lead actually are their own children.

Parents often fill in as coaches across different sports — taking the good with the bad that can come with it.

For some, being an athlete came first and then they applied those skills at their children’s schools. For others, their children participated in a sport first and coaching came later.

Here they share their experiences and their recommendations for other parents who might be considering a similar path.

Adam Dailey, La Jolla High School, running

Inspired by the success of his daughter Chiara Dailey — one of the fastest runners in the state —  Adam Dailey started coaching at La Jolla High in 2024.

“I enjoy coaching her and getting a new perspective into who she is as an athlete and as a person,” he said. “It’s amazing.”

Dailey, a runner in his youth, was once an NCAA All-American. Chiara followed in her father’s footsteps and started shattering records her freshman year.

An upside to this experience, Dailey said, is “getting to be close to my daughter when most people push away from their parents. I’m super thankful for that.”

Dailey added that this year is a “once-in-a-lifetime opportunity as a father” because Chiara is a senior, Dailey’s son Jett is a sophomore and son Blaise is a freshman, marking the first time three of his five children are at the same school at the same time.

“We talk a lot about running at home,” Dailey said with a laugh.

But having three children in the La Jolla High School track program means that “some days I need to put on my coach’s hat and make sure they aren’t getting special treatment,” Dailey said. “Other days I have to put on the dad hat.”

He recalled a race last year when Chiara was ill and unable to run. “As a coach, it was easy to see that she was sick and have her not run, but as her parent, I was devastated,” he said. “So there is a push-pull.”

To help balance that, Dailey said, “I’m cognizant of treating them like athletes and not my kids. … I’m very aware of not treating my kids better than others. Every kid needs something different, and a good coach knows how to communicate to everyone.”

For example, Dailey holds morning practices weekly before school because he finds it’s best for the team, even though Chiara “hates morning practice,” he said. “I wasn’t going to make an exception just for her, which is definitely hard. So there is a light and a dark side.”

Dailey advises other parents who might be considering coaching their children’s sports teams to go into the experience with an open mind.

“You can get closer to your kids, but there can also be increased tension,” he said. “You are also being shared with other students. That’s a challenge. Be ready for that push-pull and be self-aware all the time of treating people similarly.”

Ogemdi Nwagbuo, La Jolla Country Day School, football

For Ogemdi Nwagbuo, who goes by “Coach OG,” there is a slight separation between the athletes he coaches and his son DJ, who is on the Country Day football team.

“I started coaching DJ when he started playing flag football [in his youth], which has always been fun,” Nwagbuo said. “But now I do a lot of training for the defensive linemen, and he’s not a defense player.”

Nevertheless, “it’s fun to hang out with your kid and do what they want to do.”

Coach OG played professional football in the NFL from 2008 to 2014 for teams including the New York Giants and Detroit Lions. Though he is not DJ’s direct coach, the two talk football whenever they can.

“I’m very close to him, so if he has questions or wants advice, I can give it to him from that [father/son] relationship, but it’s the same advice I would give to anyone,” Nwagbuo said. “They all need to do things that will lead to success. But if I’ve known a player for a long time [like with DJ], I can give better advice than I could give to someone I just met. But I make it clear when I am talking to him as a coach or as a parent.”

He added that the experience has brought him and his son closer together, and he compares the relationship to one of a boxer and a trainer.

“The trainer is always in [the boxer’s] corner and can share a different perspective,” Nwagbuo said. “I feel like we’re very close, but I try to keep it real with him. The truth is the best thing you can give someone. Whether he is my son or not, I would tell him the truth. The best coaches keep it real for you, good or bad. One of my favorite coaches in the NFL kept it very real with me. Whatever you take from that is on you. However it is, you have to take the good with the bad.”

Ben Martin, La Jolla High School, track and football

Well before he had children attending La Jolla High, Ben Martin coached track and football. After attending the Air Force Academy, where he played football and ran track, he attended the University of Wyoming and continued to play football.

After graduation, he coached four years of high school track and football because “I love developing players.” Soon after, Martin spent time in the military and hung up his youth coaching hat for the time being.

But he later had a daughter, Reese, who also took an interest in track. While Reese was at La Jolla High, Martin was watching practice one day and felt “the team’s form didn’t look adequate,” so he offered to help. Martin joined the coaching staff as a sprint coach. That same year, a coach retired and “I agreed to help and jumped in feet first.”

During that time, “I worked with Reese daily,” he said. “You know your own kid, and I was always cognizant of that, but there were some times I would try to fix something in how she was training and she would get frustrated on occasion. … But overall they were successful as a team.”

Reese has since graduated, but Martin’s son Charlie is now a senior on the football team.

Looking to replicate the experience he had with Reese, Martin started coaching for the team as an assistant. But before he did, “I wanted to make sure the head coach was OK with me being there, because football is more subjective than track,” he said.

When it comes to working with other coaches on Charlie’s performance, “I let him have his space when he plays. If he comes to me and has a concern, I’ll give advice about how to approach it with the coach. I tell him how to communicate with an adult that is in charge of you. We talk, but I don’t go in and interfere.”

Martin said other parents who might want to coach should “go for it” if they have the skill set and knowledge and are ready to handle the challenges that can come with it.

“A lot of coaches that come through over the years get started because they coached their own kid,” Martin said. “If you are a coach at heart, you just want to continue. Coaching has changed how I view the athlete. I see them as a whole person now. These kids have problems, strengths and personalities.

“You personalize what they need. It’s not one-size-fits-all. Being a parent helps because you can see when a kid isn’t feeling well, especially your own kid. I understand that now.”

But he acknowledges that the perception of favoritism is “always a concern.”

“An athlete could be the best player, but if you are that athlete’s parent, there will be the perception of favoritism,” he said. “I’ve also seen coaches focus on their own kid too much. But you have to develop all the kids, not just yours.”

Carmy Cesaire, La Jolla Country Day School, football

Carmy Cesaire’s high school coaching career began soon after he was in high school himself. At age 20, he took a coaching position with a junior high football program, which led to a varsity assistant coaching spot.

Cesaire played a bit of college football and has a brother who played in the NFL, so the Cesaire family is “always talking and learning football,” he said.

When his son Quentin expressed interest in playing, “it was awesome and something I was looking forward to,” Cesaire said. “I got him real shoulder pads and a helmet and gear when he was 3 years old. It was all too big for him, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t wait for him to start playing.”

Fourteen years ago, Cesaire was hired as La Jolla Country Day’s offensive coordinator. When Quentin grew up and became a student and joined the football team himself, he worked with his father regularly.

“It has been great,” Cesaire said. “He has always been very coachable, and to get to see him develop in our program to the leader and player he is, I am a proud dad and coach.”

Quentin was the only sophomore starter on Country Day’s 2023 CIF San Diego Section Division III championship team — a personal highlight for his father.

Though he acknowledges there is a “fine line” between being a parent and a coach, Cesaire said his years of coaching have proved beneficial.

“Fortunately for me, I coached 20-plus years before I got to coach [Quentin],” he said. “I treat all my players like they are my own kids.”

Steve Sepeta, The Bishop’s School, lacrosse

Having grown up in New England when lacrosse was gaining popularity, the sport was always a part of Steve Sepeta’s life. After playing in college, he had the chance to coach at a camp to raise money to move to California.

It was there that the idea of coaching was planted.

When Sepeta made it out West, he started coaching on the side, including at Torrey Pines High School. He also helped build a youth lacrosse program in Carmel Valley.

In the early 2000s, when lacrosse was recognized as a CIF sport, “I got a call from a Bishop’s [School] parent that wanted to start a team there,” Sepeta said. “I thought a lacrosse program would be great there. That first year was a process to get everyone going. We had varsity the next year and it became my baby.”

A few years later, his actual baby, Tyler, was born.

“I thought maybe my kids could go to Bishop’s, and that came to fruition and Tyler came in sixth grade,” Sepeta said. “When he was little, the thing I was worried about was whether he would enjoy [lacrosse]. I didn’t want him to do it just because I did it. If he was good and liked it, that would be great.”

Tyler, now a senior, ended up playing on and off before committing to lacrosse during his high school years, as well as football.

As his son’s coach, Sepeta said, “you have to have some level of self-awareness to know that you are a dad first. I see a lot of dads living vicariously through their kids, and I didn’t want to be that guy. At the same time, it was probably harder on him because coaches are under a microscope or there were concerns about playing time or favoritism. You have to have boundaries.”

He had to find the right balance between being Tyler’s father and his coach, and it was “not easy at times,” Sepeta said.

“Sometimes when we would get in the car, I would think about being a dad first and coach second,” he said. “As much as I wanted to talk to him about it, I would wait until practice and let things go.

“For me, it was very fulfilling. But it has gone by really fast. I’m going to miss it.”